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In the United States on Valentines day...
FACT: 15% of Women send themselves flowers. -20% of all Women are crazy all of the time. -98% of all women are crazy some of the time. -60% of all people's expectations are too high. 85% of those people will die alone.
FACT: 14,700,551 dollars will be spent on phone sex. -18% of those dollars will come from student loans. -40% will come from mortgages. -21% of those that called should have dialed a suicide hotline.
FACT: 73% of the Flowers purchased are by men. -80% of those flowers are being purchased because they forgot them last year. -15% of those flowers were the "wrong" flowers, but the gesture was appreciated anyway. -2% of those flowers are poisoned with Rohypnol.
FACT: 3% of the population give their pets gifts. -3% of all Americans are fucking stupid. -100% of dogs would just as easily eat a used tampon instead of a heart shaped doggie cupcake. -2% of those gifts are poisoned with animal Rohypnol.
FACT: 3,577,252 Tears will be shed. -9% Will be shed to make boyfriend feel even worse. -16% Percent will be tears of joy. -32% of those tears will be shed in vain.
FACT: 303,531 Breakups will occur. -16% Will be initiated via text message. -2% End in a hilarious accident. -6% Will end in stabbings.
FACT: 39,661,090 Condoms will be used. -6% Are flavored. -15% Will break. -10% Of men will only be pretending to wear condoms.
FACT: 19,707 Marriage proposals will occur. -5% Accidentally yelled out in a moment of passion. -77% Stem from a pregnancy scare. -4% Stem from a pregnancy.
FACT: 35,006,833 Heart shaped boxes of chocolate will be exchanged. -22% Will be thrown back at the giver. -11% Are consumed in the car sitting outside your ex-girlfriends place as you watch her new guy go inside, and the light upstairs go out. -72% Of those chocolates will be filled with that awful pink shit.
FACT: 88,541 Gallons of semen will be produced. -38% of it will be produced alone. -39% of it will miss. -13% of it will be ingested.
FACT: 11,467 Shitty poems will be written. -100% of them will rhyme. -44% Will rhyme "Rain" with "Again" -9% Will result in denial of sex.
FACT: 72% Of Valentines related sexual acts will take place in a bed. -4% Of the participants will have an allergic reaction to the petals spread out on the bed. -13% Of sex acts take place on a sofa. -0% Will take place on Star Wars themed sheets.
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Totaal Inzendingen:
104
"They weren't very good brains, but they were the only brains he had." - D.L.Sayers
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Fact:
93,62% off all statistics are made up on the spot
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